when they don’t have to. and when i know they’re lying. there’s no point, i’m not an idiot, and the fact that i know and keep quiet about it and let you do it over and over again just eats away at me inside.
i’m the most positive person i know. that was sarcasm.
these few years in college have taught me a lot of things, but what they’ve taught me the most is how messed up i am. everybody has problems and everybody loses it…but everyday i realize something new about myself that just is weird. at least i think. a couple:
1) last night, i was watching this program on like, tlc, called extreme couponers. nothing special, just a very “tlc”-like show. it chronicled the lives of people that literally dedicate their lives to finding and snipping coupons in order to get mad discounts that most people don’t take advantage of. one couple went to the grocery store and got nine carts worth of stuff that they didn’t need. their bill was about $1,123 or something like that and with all the coupons they had, they only ended up having to pay about $51. another woman got a bill of near $900 to go down to $6. the last guy had a garage filled with shelves and shelves of this shit. thousands of bottles of toothpaste and lotion, cereal, all of this stuff. he went to the grocery store and rung up a bill of over $5,000 and only ended up paying like less than $200. it was ridiculous. anyways, these people spend their lives doing this, they’re legit obsessive compulsive. they have to make sure they couple the right sales with the right coupons with the right weeks/days for going to the store and they have to have impeccable math skills to ensure that everything works out.
let me just say…this program scared the shit out of me. i was on the verge of tears watching this quirky tv show that i had to leave the room from the intense anxiety i was feeling. why?? i have no idea.
2) i realized this year that i hate christmas. i love my family, i love coming home, i love our fake-ass tree that’s kept us going for 20 years and i love the way it looks with the ornaments and lights in our living room, shining outside. but…i just…hate christmas. i hate the idea of obligatory present-giving. the anxiety is causes people everywhere. the jokes, the incessant playing of christmas music on the radio and delilah’s annoying-as-hell voice on 102.1 telling me why i should be thankful this year. i know why i should be thankful. i love thanksgiving, i love giving thanks, i love my family. but i hate christmas. this year before we started opening presents as a family i actually just burst into tears. i couldn’t take it. it took me a few minutes to calm down and for my family to regain lucidity after the shock of seeing me cry and fall into my mom’s arms and try to explain to her why i hate the holiday. my dad was actually upset, telling me he loves christmas and didn’t want to hear me say it again. but i couldn’t help it.
i’m weird as hell and i know it. i have weird ticks and ridiculous anxiety and definite ocd. i don’t like watching other people’s obsessive compulsiveness because it reminds me of myself and i hate christmas. this year may not have been as bad as 2009, but in 2010…i learned how much i scare myself.
i’ll follow you into the dark.
work a little harder, stress a little less
no more emoticons
• old people love the olive garden, and fail to see its ‘fast-italian-food’ ways • circa survive kids all look the same
i’ve only been to nashville once [the summer after my senior year of high school], and since then, i haven’t viewed my future in the same way. even though i want to move to new york city after graduation for a few years before pursuing some kind of professional degree…..when i envision my life ten years from now, i see myself in nashville. i love the place, i love the music, i love the people…it’s just for me.
so now, my favorite tennessee themed songs:
tennessee by paper route. favorite lyric: “i will hold my home so dear, here in tennessee. safe from all my darkest fears, here in Tennessee”
tennessee by cory chisel & the wandering sons. favorite lyric:”and you look just like my daring tennessee. do you think she’ll know me? or see me now like the broken man i am. doing a little bit more than the best i can. still she’s gonna need a little more.”
the face by kings of leon. favorite lyric: “if you give up New York, i’ll give you tennessee. the only place to be.”
back down south by kings of leon. favorite lyric: “i don’t want to say what I have to say. babe, i’m a’ kicking off now. if you wanna go, i‘m gonna go. i‘m going back down south now.”
as much as i love paramore and as fun as i know it is to be a rockstar, hayley williams really just wants to be an r&b singer…just saying.